thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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