Pants 0. Shit 1.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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