No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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