i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
