I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
