I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you win again, gameday.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
