Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
