I am midnight drunk by noon
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
