Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wish there were birth control emojis
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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