My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
