the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize