I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
