I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
