just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
