Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
