We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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