i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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