Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize