Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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