We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
