Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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