Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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