Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
