she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize