Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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