Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
