Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
