He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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