on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
