A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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