I looked at my own cervix.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
