So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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