I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize