that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
