epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
