Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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