she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
