How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize