We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
