Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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