It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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