He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
