You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
