their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
