What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
