We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
