I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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