I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
