Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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