I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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