My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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