see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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