Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize