I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
