It's Friday. Sex?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
