i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You pole danced in your parka.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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