five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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