first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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