you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
