Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
