She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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