I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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