i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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