If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
