Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm experimenting with sincerity
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
