you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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