wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
