the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
