A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
