How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
