We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
