Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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