ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
