I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
