you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
