sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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