Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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