i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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