keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
