Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize