I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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