My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
