Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
