When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
