5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize