I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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