when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
