just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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