i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
