watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
