Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
