Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize