Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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