My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
