You smell like a Billy Joel song
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
