Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize