The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
