I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i came on her dog
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
