I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
