I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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