wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize