you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
