Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
