why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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