she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
