i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
40s are totally the cure
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
